 4th Grade gains maximum points
6-0 is not a score line you would ordinarily associate with cricket. 6-0 could mean the perfect set of tennis, a tight state of origin encounter or a whitewash on the soccer pitch, but it has never been witnessed on the cricket field before…..until Saturday.
"JC - All-round clown" taking 6/0
James Campbell, aka JC ‘Hernandez’, ’Modern Day Christ’ and all-round clown woke on Saturday morning dreading the long drive out to Whalan. A long day of toil at the bowling crease lay ahead of him and naturally he was not looking forward to it. If only he had known that 4 hours later he would have the bowling figures of 6-0 he may have graced the day with more enthusiasm.
Yes that’s right, 6 wickets for the concession of 0 runs. Such bowling figures have never been seen before on the cricket field (don’t quote me on this…I’m looking at you Sam Buno). Granted, JC was bowling from what quickly got labelled the ‘good end’ by opening partner Pat Ef-Ef-Effeney (a sizeable damp pitch meant the ball wasn’t carrying through as one would expect), but his performance with the ball was sill one for the ages and cost this over-eager scribe a case of beer (Toohey’s Red…of course).
To cut an already sizeable story shorter, the overnight rain at Whalan meant that play was delayed by 1 hour as Kenner, Selby and Harry ‘Hazem El’ Turner got down low with the supa-sopper and attempted to absorb the small lake that had formed in the Whalan outfield.
The ‘ex’-people’s champ and captain of 4th grade Iqbal Ahmed then decided that the best way to get the game started was to bring the boundaries in, so the small lake would no longer be incorporated in the playing field. This meant a lot of wasted effort by the supa-sopper team and one or two less vertebrae’s in Kenner’s spine. But then again that’s why Iqbal is the EX-people’s champ.
 Thanks to the Blacktown skipper’s equally keen attitude to get the game underway, play started at 1.30 and by 1.55 Blacktown were 6-5. Although everyone was focusing on JC’s figures of 6-0 it must be noted that Pat Effeney was leaking runs at the other end. Ef-Ef-Effeney was not impressed with the skipper’s decision, but luckily Pat had applied his pre-bowling powder and hence was able to bowl with confidence and comfort.
Kleem, cap off, takes a brilliant catch - much to everyone elses suprise
Among all this Mitch Kleem took possibly the greatest catch in the history of cricket. Fielding at mid-on, Mitch was taken off guard as the ball was skied well into the outfield. With the bowler already giving up on the dismissal, Mitch pivoted and took-off. With the ball drifting right, then left then right again, Mitch kept his head and swallowed the catch despite the hysterical laughter from his team-mates and a photographer who I can’t mention in this report, due to censorship reasons.
Huge Selby then stole the ball off Jimmy and picked up three wickets of his own after drinks. Once again Charlie ‘Duck’ Turner was handed the rough end of the stick, but, then again, he probably deserved it.
Effeney finished the innings with a wicket of his own and Blacktown were all out for 63.
The follow-on beckoned, but the Blacktown skipper believed it would be outside the spirit of the game for Gordon to enforce it on such a dodgy deck. Iqbal was caught in a pickle and with the Gordon high commission (Stephenson, Hickman and one who can not be mentioned in this report due to legal reasons…for more info speak to Roger) pushing for the follow on to be enforced, a decision had to be made.
 The skipper proceeded to make an agreement with the other captain that he would only bowl spin from the dodgy end. Wait…that meant that Iqbal would have to open the bowling (because Cubbage is not viewed by the captain as a spinning option).
Although a rare sight in 4th Grade, the webmaster travelled out to Whalen on the off chance that Cubbage might get a bowl
Well, this whole situation seemed a little too convenient, but Iqbal struck immediately removing the young opener in his first over. Then another fell and ‘Mushie’ had 2.
It seemed that the first innings was poised to repeat itself, but some flashy batting earned the Blacktown opener a half century and put the outright victory seemingly out of the equation.
Once again Iqbal was self-introduced into the attack (after a very sort stint from back-up spinner Adam ‘The Bear’ Cubbage) and he struck with two more poles. The game had turned again and when the ‘Terrorist’ picked up his 5th wicket the Staggies fielders were pumped.
Ef-Ef-Efenney picked up a cheeky handled-ball dismissal after a half volley managed to strike the batmen in the helmet. And Cubbage chipped in with a couple of classical leg-spinning dismissals, caught at slip and bowled round the legs. (Inzie, you must ask Cubbage how to do this).
With 15min to go till 6.30 and the man who must not be named ranting and raving on the sidelines that we could play on till 8pm, Gordon needed 1 wicket to claim 10 points.
Luckily, the wicket fell abruptly as the Blacktown no. 11 took off for a suicide single and the ‘powder man’ Effeney swooped at cover to effect the run-out and end the game.
This was undoubtedly a memorable day of cricket, played in the right spirit by both sides and a crucial victory for the 4th grade big red.
Now sitting in outright 6th, 4th grade need to retain the Mal Hall trophy this weekend to qualify for the semi-finals.
Until next week, you stay classy Hernandez.
Sticks | 
