 Missy’s Mail 14
Wimbledon. For the first time in the history of professional tennis, women will receive equal prize money as their male counterparts. Forgive me for firing up an age old argument, however I am strongly of the opinion that this should not be the case. It’s not so much that the matches are so much shorter, skill level is lower or total enjoyment is lacking, for me it’s more to do with the fact that no one outside the top 5 seeded players holds aloft the coveted prize at the end of the championships in the women’s game.
(Missy makes 21. Highest score this year)
Anyone who thinks that Serbian Ana Ivanovic (ranked 6th) can win Wimbledon is an idiot. Venus Williams coming back from a lengthy lay off from tennis was the lowest ranked player ever to win the tournament, when in 2005 she was ranked 14th.
Conversely, need I remind any Australian about the 2001 Championships when Goran Ivanisevic defeated our Patty Rafter after receiving a wildcard entry into the tournament. That’s what sport should hold for me. Theatre, drama, a compelling storyline, rich narrative. I like to think that Ivanisevic was struggling for cash in 2001. Rent was due, he had parking fines hanging over is head, child services was knocking at the door and the prize money he took home saved his life. I don’t like the idea of daddy’s little girl taking home over a million dollars US to spend on the development of her own country club and grooming of ponies. You can’t make a movie out of that.
 Saying this, I haven’t watched a women’s tennis match since the delightful, and talented, Anna Kournakova graced the court. So perhaps my point of view is irrelevant.
With so much news to report on it’s difficult to separate the good from the bad and the completely useless from the completely unprintable. The good news is that the northern summer has begun and our globetrotting Stags are well into their European cricketing experience.
(Adam Cubbage out of action)
Adam Cubbage, enjoying his first venture away from the comforting eyes of a loving mother has had mixed success with both bat and ball. More importantly he tells me his success rate with “the ladies” boasts a much better strike rate. I’d elaborate, however I can’t bear the thought of Cubbage shirtless.
After a good start to the season Cubbage Wilson has struggled to go on with his scores. Thus far he has struck 351 runs at 51 with the willow and taken
17 poles at 18 after 9 starts.
The last time I spoke to James Packman he told me it was flooding in York.
 Subsequently I doubt if he has put many runs on the board. However, that’s not where it ends for Wes. One of the rewards of having an internet article is that you seem to have eyes and ears everywhere. Whilst in Europe Jamma was due to spend time with the lovely Kelly in Pisa for her birthday.
(James Packman after betting at Stanstead)
Unfortunately he missed his flight. My source saw Packers sitting in Stanstead airport during a 6 hour wait for his plane having a bit of a flutter in a betting shop. I have it under good authority that Where’s Packman has stayed in top physical condition over the winter months.
Hopefully some photos come out of the woodwork and we can see Packers in peak physical condition.
Jules Stephenson has had more success with the bat than the ball in his northern summer, playing in Norwich. 420 league runs and 14 wickets will have Julie-Hahn sending his resume’ for opening batsman duties in higher grades this year.
A couple of weeks ago Stepho caught up with B-Mac and the two had planned a
 2 day trip to Dublin. Jules drove from Norwich to Reading, approximately a 3 hour endeavour to meet up with Macca before catching a 6am flight from Stanstead airport (no doubt having a chat to Packers, who was still punting) to Dublin.
(Jules and Bmac on their way to Brighton, who forget his passport?)
The well planned excursion came falling to pieces after Midnight remembered he had left is passport back at Norwich. Quick thinking and still a burning desire to push on with the getaway for two found them spending their 2 days in Brighton. Unbeknown to the two Sydney boys, Brighton is the gay capital of England.
On a completely unrelated topic, the only thing I’ve heard from B-Mac thus far is that he saw Anne-Louise in Denmark a few weeks prior to the commencement of the cricket season. That’s all I’m allowed to say. For more information, you can check page 3 of The Sun newspaper. B-Mac and Midnight are to attend the running of the bulls in Spain in a few weeks. Hopefully a non-homosexual story will come out of that.
Ed Howitt Jnr and Jordan Holmes provide me with the most entertainment for this instalment of Missy’s Mail. It pains me to provide my faithful readers with the statistics of Howitt’s summer.
420 League runs at 84
 3 half hundreds and 1 ton
Wrench percentage: 93.6% (apparently it doesn’t count if the wrench gets a leading edge)
151* in a 14 over match
(Hoppa in England)
15 League wickets at 23
Best of 5/15
Off-Breaks 0.8% (this may be generous)
Jordy Holmes, playing down the road from the irrepressible Howitt, has also found some rhythm in the UK. Firstly, I must publicize Holmes is in fact working in a fitness centre - as a fitness instructor. Far be it for Higgins to be critical of the lifestyle, physique, and or etiquette failures of Gordy, however I, amongst others, found this to be a source a great amusement.
The last time I spoke to Jordy he had only played in 3 League matches, he was already averaging 48 with the bat and picking up plenty of poles - including a best of 3-14 off 13 consecutive overs.
Much more interestingly Holmes claims the real story is not how many runs Hoppa is scoring, it’s how many he’s going for. At Hoppa’s club, Jordy continues, there is a 50p fine for pavilion damage off your bowling and word on he street is that Jr. is coughing over 2 pound 50 a game. Holmes continues with his allegations saying that Howitt had bowled 32 overs with figures of 1 for 145.
 The story takes a interesting and spiteful turn when in the local derby Holmes and Howitt Jr. were to collide head to head in a 20/20 fixture.
(In case you didn't know Jordan is the one on the left)
Howitt to narrate:
Lets just say in a 20/20 over game he came on and bowled to me. 1st ball nicked past keeper 4, 2nd ball middle stump knocked back trying to hoick to cow corner...oh, sorry jordy...NO BALL ( means next ball free hit). 3rd ball 6, hook over mid wicket, last ball 4 over point.
When I questioned Jordy about the matter he replied; “No comment”.
As for Missy, he/she has “attained majority” as Kelly put it so elegantly in a text message. Turning 21 is a major milestone in the life of any young Stag. I got a phone call from Tiddles on the day and he waffled on for a good 23 minutes about how everyone told him he would never see 21. Now he sees 21 year old all the time…touché Tids. Touché.
Will Sweeney made a speech at the 21st ‘kegger’ recapping every regret I have ever had over the past 21 years. Photo evidence of the early morning can not be provided; the courts are yet to release Richie Kenner for his part in the violation of the neighbourhood.
Many of you will be surprised to learn that Missy is so young, all I can say is that I’m 2 years older than when I started.
All fan mail can be directed through http://www.fitness-4life.com.au/ now there’s a free plug if ever I’ve seen one. Missy | 
