 Missy’s Mail 5
It’s close. The season beckons. We can begin to feel our fingers and toes once more. It must mean it’s getting above minus 4 again. I for one look forward to the baking hot Saturdays where any celebrity chef can slightly brown 11 fielders, rotate 2 batsmen and grill the umpires. Most of all, the furious tempest will leave us for 6 more months, and that means I won’t have to wipe the hair from my eyes every 4.3 seconds.
(B-Mac and Midnight watch the cricket on their day off from work!)
It’s been so long since we spoke. I hope all is well at your end of the monitor. News has trickled through slower than a wet week and subsequently I have been MIA for the last few weeks. South Africa may have even taken a wicket since Missy’s Mail 4.
Brendan McDonald has found himself in the thick of things once again. It would be silly of any reader to assume that I am referring to a particular feat on the cricket field. Rather B-Macs best work has come, once again, whilst being naked. Threadbare. Au naturel. Unveiled. Exposed. Use whatever adjective you like, the story is a classic. Unfortunately, B-Mac was supposed to send me a picture in reference to the story which has yet to see the light of day so I’ve decided to bench the story until I can give it the full coverage it deserves. Pardon the Pun.
But it was by far the "Email of the Week", and perhaps a strong contender for "Email of the Off-Season". (Which is a title I made up 10 minutes ago).
Still I’d say a close second to Reggies efforts which were publicised in Missy’s Mail 4. Hopefully I can expand on the escapades of Brendan in the 6th instalment of this review.
 James Packman has returned to the country after playing cricket in Scotland over the past month. His form impressed. With bat, and unfortunately ball. A Michelle 5/ will have Packers piping up for a crack with the new ball at some stage in the Sydney Grade Competition and hopefully for NSW. He had scored 2 hundreds last time I had spoken to him, one of those being played on the Glen Eagles Ryder Cup Course. A day he has described as brilliant, only to be ruined by some horrific golf.
(Hinton and Packman)
Twenty20. What a great game. Is it obvious I’m not a bowler? Matthew Nicholson seems to dislike the concept of the crowd pleasing and eye catching game. If I was writing for a tabloid, and sometimes I like to think I am, I’d say; "he has labelled the game a joke." But I’m not so, I’ll have those remarks stricken from the record. Nicho took on returning Stag Will Smith in the Quater-Final of the Twenty20 Competition where Smith’s Nottinghamshire knocked over Nicho’s Northamptonshire. Neither having an input in the game however. Will Smith remaining 0* off 0 deliveries and Nicho claiming 1/.
Damon Livermore has been far more reserved this time around. Scores on the field include 70, 50 not out, and 92. I can’t say what else he’s doing. I’ll give you a clue. The 4th box of tissues has been ‘discharged’.
Matt Makepeace has struck a run of form on the field (I doubt off it) scoring a remarkable 100 even, chasing down 249 for victory. He smashed 71 off 45 before being hit with a beam ball. He claims it was a beamer, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a good shot for LBW after contact was made with his ribs. He completed his 100 with a few balls to spare. Shortly after he followed up his hundred with 57 in a low scoring encounter. Good to hear Peace is hitting his straps again.
 Now for the news you’ve all been waiting for. The news back home. Where to begin…..Tiddles.
Although I was an absentee from the AGM, word has spread like wildfire about the "Speech" if one cold call it that, that the esteemed Tony Wilson made.
It was a shame I wasn’t there for the last time Tiddles will ever be asked to speak at a public event. Anywhere. It’s beyond me what exactly the Hugh Heffner endorsed drug has to do with bat and ball…. Well maybe I can now, but still viagra is hardly a topic that was on the agenda for Gordon’s 101st Annual General Meeting.
(Tiddles)
Although I wasn’t at Gordon’s AGM I was at the Blue Gum for our rivals and neighbours Northern Districts AGM. Both Iqbal Ahmed and myself spotted ex-international cricketer and current air conditioning spokesperson Mark Taylor, and we were both inebriated and brazen enough to question if the air conditioning was a "Fujitsu" console over the main bar.
Perhaps I’ll go to the GreenGate to catch Brett Lee’s band, and cry out some banter. Hoppa suggested that I go and sidle up next to his wife whilst he jams with his fellow band cohorts. Brett Lee’s band just became a little more appealing.
 Gordon’s favourite commercial extra, Leon Gulaptis, has apparently found love abroad. News has it that Gullapa has a new love interest in the United States. I remember a time when I was with Leon at Cabana Bar and was with him whilst he attempted to pick up girls with an American accent. It probably wasn’t the worst accent I’ve ever heard, mainly because it was about as coherent as any one of Mitchell Kleem’s social commentaries.
(Leon gives the thumbs up for his new love)
Speaking of travel Missy’s Mail has also learnt that Gordon’s very own lepricorn, Richie Kenner, is planning to travel around the country to see every test match of the upcoming Ashes series. Richie was a vital cog in the Colts winning season, including a hundred in the final of the Metropolitan cup.
Training has already begun for the younger Stags at the club. The Academy’s Under 18 and Under 21 divisions have so far had 2 pre-pre-season training sessions with pleasing results. It was marvellous to see some old heads there; Stepho, Tiddles, Falky, Smithy. Stobo was also there. Speaking of which, the topic was brought up at the GreenGate about who will take over the reigns as my opposite number, now that Stobo is retired until hmmmm….
I’d say round 8. Matthew Kelly is the obvious choice, what with his quick quips and razor sharp intellect that could raise a laugh even from the most hardened of criminals in a court of law. But Kells has been good to Higgins, and too much respect and the fear of being publicly humiliated lies there.
Sammy Hinton’s name was mentioned. A strong candidate. Time will tell.
So much news to give. If only I wrote half of it down. I’ll have to have a good catch up with you all this Sunday after the first of four pre-season practices. Hoppa and I have already arranged to head to the GreenGate after the 4 O’clock finish. It would be brilliant to see a large Gordon contingent there for a catch up.
 Lastly I come to Reece Bombas. Reece, "Bomber" as he is CURRENTLY known, requires a new nickname. He shall break free of the shackles of his current alias, and we as a club will rise up and vote for a new pet name for Bombas.
(Nads Bombas)
A couple of years ago Bomber was fielding at slip next to the recently retired Dean Goldsmith. When Goldy threw the ball to the surprised Bombas, the collision between the cricket ball and his testicle was of a colossal nature. A clash of epic proportions. Two years on and Reece has had the fluid removed from the site of the injury. Suddenly the Spice Girls 1997 hit single "2 become 1" became an anthem and a way of life rather than a crap 90’s song, and the Jennifer Anniston/Vince Vaughn flick "The Break Up" became autobiographical.
So, under the instruction of many senior heads at the GDCC the new name will be voted on via secret ballot. So secret that there isn’t even a ballot. But tell me what your thoughts are on these:
A: Poppa (Poppa-Testie)
B: The One
C: The Siamese Twin
D: Reece Bombas
E: Twinkie
F: Niagara Balls
G: Room Available
H: Vacancy
I: One Left Standing
J: Single and Loving It
K: The Lone Nut
Sorry Bomber.
Missy | 
