Missy’s Mail
The 2005/06 season had many highlights, however one that wasn't documented was the arrival of a new report writer in Ian Higgins. Ian's early attempts to ruffle the feathers of stalwart Richard Stobo were well reveived by Gordon supporters. Ian's reports became legendary with his quick wit and sometimes direct statements that rarely missed the mark (except for one report on the condition of the Chatswood Oval pitch).
With a long off season ahead of us, we needed s spark to keep us going during our break and Ian has kindly agreed to write a regular column on the wherebaouts and activities of Gordon players both overseas and at home.
 The column is called Missy's mail and Ian's first release is below.
Missy's Mail No.1
Hello my dearly beloved friends, followers, and fanatics. It has been oh so long since we last had a chance to catch up. Fortunately the extent of the regular column under the moniker of "Missy’s Mail" will give those of you who truly care what the current club members are up to in the off season.
There is no escape from the Media Machine, and frenzy that will surround Missy’s Mail. Hold onto your hats.
 First of all we travel overseas to see what the Gordon Representatives are doing. It would appear very little. How ironic. I sent an email to all of the players overseas a week or so ago. So far Nicholson and McDonald have replied. The latter inviting me to have a round of 18 and a drink. The logistics of the invitation make the mind boggle. I thought long and hard about McDonald, and I came to the conclusion that he resembles a grown up Macaulay Culkin. I have been to his Wollstonecraft residence, and I would never leave him Home Alone.
Matt Nicholson on the other hand is settling in well, and everything should be running smoothly over in Northamptonshire.
Rod ‘Rocket’ Hokin has the best news of all however. He has "made an instant impression for Bovey Tracey in his debut game against Exmouth by hitting an unbeaten century in a seven-wicket warm-up win." Well done Rocket.
 Ed Howitt Jnr had originally intended to head over but backed down at what must have been the final minute. However he is playing some cricket in a local winter league alongside Matt Michael, James Packman, Brett Rosen, Ahmed Iqbal, Iqbal Ahmed, and a few West Pymble associates. When I asked one participant if it was a bit of fun or quite serious; I was replied with "Well… Packers opened the bowling, Cuppy was keeping, and I opened the batting." Apparently they made a rule, if your delivery was hit for a maximum of six runs, the bowler had to fetch it. Hoppa did plenty of walking. Anyway the team won by 7 runs.
(Hoppa chasing a six)
Club Captain and adviser to all things love has now made his voyage across the waters of the world and touched down in the UK. After knowing about his departure date for some months, JOF decided to apply for his working VISA 13 minutes before his plane was due to leave the tarmac. Suffice to say he was in the country a little longer than first planned. I wasn’t able to attend any of Pumps’ 47 farewells as I was tied up on all occasions.
Unfortunately this is the only news I have to date of the performances of our overseas Stags. Perhaps in the next edition we can have news from Evans, Livermore, O’Neill Fuller, and Makepiece.
 As for the Stags still in the country, well, not a lot to report on that either. I have run into Richie Paul on two occasions since he shocked the cricketing community and decided to hang up the spikes. The first time I was at Alberts Corner Bar in North Sydney. It was 1:45am. I was caught up in the hysteria of a Rugby night. I saw Richie talking to a young female. I had a quick word with Richie. Well it seemed like a quick word, but before I knew it the bar was closing, so it must have been close to an hour or something.
(Richie Paul prior to his retirement)
I’d like to report something from that evening, but I have no recollection of anything past 4 O’clock that afternoon. The second occasion I saw R.P. was at Balmoral oval, the Mosman Whales Homestead. He was watching his room mate, (or room mate's mate) play rugby, and I was there watching my beloved Knox Old Boys go round. I first saw Ritchie at midday and had a good chat with him. I saw him later at around 5. Well, he was just enjoying the rugby I suppose.
Stuart Slocombe or "Choppy" as he is affectionately known will be overseas as we speak in Samoa. "The Dentist" as he is less affectionately known is promoting cricket in Samoa. If anyone was to promote the ins and outs of cricket, it would be Slocombe. He will even be privileged to a dinner with the King of Samoa. Let’s hope his etiquette is just as good as it is at the GreenGate.
 The Moth, or "Tim Packman" as he is affectionately known spent the previous month, April, overseas in the UK. I have absolutely no idea what he was doing over there. But he was there. He is returning just in time to kick off the beach sessions down at curly.
(The moth...what was he doing in the UK?)
Dave Storey is still playing a bit of cricket for the I.Z.’s, and offered me the opportunity to play for the esteemed club. I had to decline due to my father's 70th birthday celebrations colliding on the same date. Dave has been working hard as he has only recently started his new job. I intend to catch up with Stores soon.
Leon Gulaptis, everybody’s favourite extra, has officially turned 21 and celebrated the event at his home in Maclean. Congratulations to Gulappa. And of course to Ed Zelma who tied the knot a little while ago. Higgins was also able to tie the knot, however it was less of a surprise to see Higgins tie his shoe than see Zelma fall happily into wedlock. Congratulations Ed.
As for every other man at the club, I have unfortunately lost touch with.
 (Leon Gulaptis)
Perhaps if they would like to let the rest of the club to know what they are and have been doing then they can drop me a line. So please, send your fan-mail, hate-mail, and advertisements for Penis-Enlargement Pills to Higgins_I@hotmail.com
That’s the news of the world thus far. Stay tuned for the next instalment of Missy’s Mail, hopefully I will be able to report more antics of Stags as they come to hand.
Stay Warm
Missy | 
