Missy's Mail 31 |
Mohammed Asif - sentenced in a London courtI’ve followed this story closely having been exposed to the English media coverage over the past few years since the now infamously defunct newspaper News of The World broke the story in the northern summer of 2010. It is inexplicably sad story. As a cricket patriot, it hurts me to the core to read about the goings on of that fateful Lords test match. Most notably, the notion that Mohammed Asif received the lions share of the ‘earned’ money in an attempt to keep him faithful from rival match fixing syndicates. It is beyond comprehension. Justice Jeremy Cooke (presumed brother of Alistair) summed up proceedings nicely: “Now whenever people look back on a surprising event in a game or a surprising result, or whenever in the future there are surprising events or results, followers of the game will be left to wonder whether there has been fixing and whether what they have been watching is a genuine contest between bat and ball.” One can only think back to other fixtures involving Pakistan and consider if spectators were better off spending their money on tickets to The Enmore Theatre. Are we, as Australian supporters, so arrogant to think that the SCG test match at the beginning of 2010 was purely an outstanding showing of Australian resilience and dogged determination? What about when Mike Hussey managed to blast 22 from the last over off Saeed Ajmahl in the Twenty20 World Cup semi final to win the match? Was that sheer skill and execution or scripted entertainment for a few extra Rupee? It’s impossible to tell.
Mohammed Aamer has appealed his sentenceIt seems an incredible thing, to be prisoned for bowling or conspiring to bowl a no-ball in a cricket match. As I recently posted on Facebook, Murali would be looking at 25 to life had he still been playing. I remember Courtney Walsh getting balls in from the boundary with a straighter arm. It’s amazing to me to think that not many of Gordon’s current playing members will remember the likes of Courtney Walsh and other legends of the late 80’s early 90’s who I grew up watching and imitating in the backyard, but i suppose those even more venerable than myself would say the same about players they grew up aspiring to. Dick Huey, for instance, was the official scorer for Don Bradman’s last test match at The Oval in 1948. There is still some conjecture over why Bradman’s final innings read “0”, despite him playing a memorable cover drive for four from his first delivery. Minor detail I suppose.
Reece Bombas enjoys being the meat in the sandwichHere are some old favourites of mine from Reece in recent history, in no particular, although comedic order:
Great stuff from the King of the Coast. Don’t worry about ‘Neighbours’, don’t worry about recording ‘Home and Away’, Bomber’s life is better than a week long marathon of ‘Eastenders’. In between notifying his friends about how drunk he is - which i assatain is an important part of life on the central coast - Reece has more mood swings than a hormonal teenage girl. Proclamations of deep anxiety are quickly swept aside with declarations of inferable happiness. His manifestations are as bewilderingly benevolent toward an unnamed flame as they are belligerent to whom ever has wronged him within the 14 minutes since his last status update. I speak for all those concerned that ’King of the Coast’, or just ‘KOC’ as he prefers, will soon find love and that his status updates will resemble Blair Lindsey’s rather than that of a rambling buffoon.
And speaking of ‘Kings’ - if I can be so brazen to label the assiduous postings of Reece as monarchical - let us now move onto Iain Beverley’s newest creation; The King of The Round. Blair Lindsay, is this one of your girlfriends?I like the idea of it. I like the idea that we should be rewarding acts of manliness and courage and hard behaviour, but like communism, this is only a good idea in theory. Because as I look around the circle on our Thursday club meetings I see a lot of very well educated young men with very good career prospects. Some real life problems the Gordon players have already had this year include; not having an electrical outlet to plug their iPhone into, having an HD TV which takes an eternity to turn on, having so many notes in a wallet it’s uncomfortable to sit on, and having to fire a maid for boorish etiquette. These people don’t need to do things that are hard, we pay other people to do things we proclaim to be too hard. Blue collar workers, Labor voters, we don’t have them and we don’t need them. I am, of course, only jesting. We do have a couple of people who drive vans and other Utility vehicles, or “Utes” as they say in the trade I believe. Let’s run through that list shall we and see how ‘hard’ they are. Beau Sadler: Works in the trades as a roofer of some notoriety. Can not go 23 seconds without touching someone or something. Not hard. Anthony Sherman: Claims to be a landscaper which angers actual landscapers. Germaphobe. Not hard. Craig Thornborough: Engineer. Looks good in the colour blue, has an apartment with a water view. Not hard. Greg Lewis: Please. We all know there is only 1 hard bloke in this whole club and that man is Carl Kinghorne. Stats: Carl Kinghorne: Crimefighter under the alias of “Knighthawk”. Has a tattoo on his calf of Ned Kelly. Why? Unknown. Has an autobiography entitled “Knighthawk in shining armour”. Has Chopper Reid, Chuck Norris, John Ibrahim, Tony Wilson in his phonebook. Once killed a man just by looking at him. Doesn’t glove punch. And onto glove punching. Maybe it’s because I started playing underneath the strict regime of Ed Howitt from a young age, or maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up on an island in the Caribbean, but glove punching is reserved solely for those with the tropics in their blood, who play with flare and charisma and phonetic pageantry. Not for those who play club cricket in Sydney. Viv Richards can glove punch. Brian Lara? Go on then. Dwayne Bravo? Give a little knuckle to Chris Gayle. But you Cockburn, you can not. I bet you glove punch. I can just tell you glove punch.
Celebrity cricketer - Avendano - is a hit with the ladies now more than ever!I don’t know how it has come about that teenagers from all over the area have decided that the best form of expressing their lolita love is to take their significant other to a grandstand at Chatswood Oval to perform what’s now known within certain circles as “losing a knuckle”. It won’t be long before Secretary Catlin will be sitting there at all hours, forming an overnight vigil to ward off any hopeful youths, waylaying the convivial plans of the adolescent to lose a knuckle in the Cedric Pike. In between both grandstands and “Fingers Hill” half of the Chatswood population will be knocked up by Christmas. I do love a girl in uniform though. I’ve been trying to think of some ideas to fundraise for our great club, other than an Adam Cubbage kissing booth which would obviously generate a swarmed frenzy not seen since The Beatles landed in Australia in 1964 and I think I’ve come up with a tremendous solution. A Mark O’Neil Swear Jar. If everyone at the club donated 10c into an offshore account every time our top grade coach dropped a four letter bomb, we’d be able to cryogenically unfreeze Sir Don (minor complication may arise here, as I’m fairly certain Bradman was cremated and not cryogenically frozen like Walt Disney) and get him playing for the Stags by round 9. He’d obviously have to start in 5th grade as he would arrive with no credentials, but it’s important to keep numbers up. Catlin would charge him the full price of subscription as he will have missed the deadline for the price reduction. $600 was a lot of money in 1948 - although he did bowl leg spin, so a Wilson hand out isn’t off the cards. I seem to of drifted off topic there. Again. Sparky loves an adjective though doesn’t he.
A junior looking Ed Howitt JnrPerhaps the most telling statistic is that he now joins only 3 other players in the history of Gordon to reach 500 wickets and 5,000 runs. 3 other players. It’s amazing. I’m at a rare loss for words. I literally don’t know what to say. I’m astounded. A better writer would describe to you the constant effort in application, the undeniable competitiveness, the mental longevity and tact it takes to reach such a level of conclusiveness. If there’s a better club man than Hoppa, I’ve never met him. I flicked through the photos and read the articles and the tributes and a touch of envy sank over me that I wasn’t there to witness it first hand. I was at Killara for 400 and that was pretty special, but 500 is a different level of apotheosis. I cast my mind back to days when I would stand behind the stumps with obsequious expectation as he would roll out a few leg spinners to mid-off before shuffling to the crease in a way that lay calm to the fielding team. He had the ball on a string most days. Every time I kept to him, whether it be in 2nd grade or 3rd grade, something always happened - usually byes. I want to be able to tell you all about how he coaxed and strained his wickets with presence and insidious disguise, how he was lionised by umpires, officials and opposing captains, how altruistic he was as a captain, a mentor, a coach and a friend. But all I can think about is Sunil Turkey and how ridiculous a name that really is. Missy |
So the Pakistani match fixers are going to gaol. In a hallow victory for cricket lovers worldwide, Salmon Butt, Mohammed’s Asif and Aamer along with player agent Mazhar Majeed were sentenced to varying tenures behind bars after sentencing was handed down last Thursday in a London court. 
After learning that Aamer had appealed his sentence, I could only hope that he made the “T” sign to Justice Cooke in confirmation that he would like the decision reviewed. In my opinion, if he failed to seize this once in a lifetime opportunity, it would be worse than the initial crime itself. 
Regardless of days and summers gone by, it’s important to keep up to date. Some people set their homepage to the Sydney Morning Herald’s website or ninemsn in aid to always keep in tune with current affairs. My homepage however, is Reece Bombas’ Facebook profile. It’s more interesting than the conventional news, more outrageous than tabloid magazines and updates are released more often than bodily sounds from Kurt Roughley’s body. 
As for you Blair, I get it, you’ve got a girlfriend. 
I think we’re onto knuckles now - and let me tell you, the Cedric Pike stand has been busy this Spring. Not as much action in the Justin Avendano stand so far, but the Avendano stand is more of a Summer/Autumn meeting place. 
I have to mention Ed Howitt jnr before we part ways, as he achieved an absolutely incredible accomplishment in round 3. I’m not convinced he received the fanfare that the occasion deserved, and it’s difficult to actually put into words how, quite simply, unbelievable it is.
