5th Grade Report vs UNSW - Round 6

A strong win to 5th Grade against the Students

There is a very famous poem from the 19th century that sums up most games of cricket to perfection.

Dave Monaghan, the author's pick of the bowlers

It captures that moment late in the day when the game could go either way. When the captain and team must step back and have faith in their fellow players.

It is called Vitai Lampada and goes as follows:

'There's a breathless hush in the Close to-night --
Ten to make and the match to win --
A bumping pitch and a blinding light,
An hour to play and the last man in.
And it's not for the sake of a ribboned coat,
Or the selfish hope of a season's fame,
But his Captain's hand on his shoulder smote --
'Play up! play up! and play the game!''

And while I would like to write as if this was one of those games, in reality round 6 wasn't left to the last minute or an inspirational talk. In fact I don't think anyone in fifth grade has ever said 'play up' or wore a ribbon on their coat (with perhaps the exception of Tom Gooch whose captain's hat is a little worrying).

And so, instead of keeping the match report nice and short, and ending on the words of Henry Newbolt, it is left to me (the reluctant author) to present to you, the audience of Stags, the (mostly) true and accurate history of Gordon the 5^th in two parts.

Gordon the 5^th:

Part 1:

Enter, in order of appearance:
Josh "Speedblitz" Goldsmith - an ex-baseballer with a penchant for the run-out
Mark 'Fonzy' Fonseka - the court Jester
Jack "Pistol" Colley - the young heir to the kingdom of Gordon
Christopher "the Rat" Retallick
Tristan "Upright" Cooper - a fine batsman with a ramrod gait and far too much practice on a treadmill
Paul "Romeo" Dietz ' because there is no way I am going to call him Adolf
David "Joel" Monaghan - whose antics on the field are often as worrying for the opposition
as the Raiders off it
Andrew "You better not call me Elton as I'm narrating this" Coleman
David "Tall" Leiboff - whose skill is derived from his height
Tom "Graeme" Gooch - to bowling what the English are to batting
Sir Matthew Todd - the wise captain
Timothy "Falstaff" Packman - the old captain, graceful (on occasion)

Sir Matthew: The grass is green and pitch is set

Romeo: To bat or not to bat? That is the question

The coin is tossed, and Sir Matthew does not lose . And so, into the Battle of Beauchamp strode Speedblitz and The Fonz.

Tom Gooch snakes in before delivering a thunderbolt

Fielders to the left of them, fielders to the right of them, and one by one they fell. First Speedblitz, then the Fonz whose score of 30 was less than he deserved, and young Pistol to a mistimed pull.

Scene 2: the dressing room, score 3-56.

Toddy (to Upright): Once more unto the pitch my friend, once more;
Or close up the gap with your English pads.
Mid-week there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the stitch of seams blows past our ears,
Then imitate the action of the moth;
Grasp up your willow, summon up the courage,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
And play yourself into the books
Or lest ye fall with Fonzy to the Colts!

Scene 3: Pavilion

Enter Falstaff
Falstaff: Good morrow my good men
Romeo: And to you fair Captain Falstaff
Graeme: What brings you to this game but as a spectator?
Falstaff: A sad but necessary wound.
Oh but would I give to stride into the battle once again,
Feel the leather of the ball within my hand,
The fear upon the batsman's face'
Sir Matthew (aside): Methinks that fear is from the risk of beamers to the head!
Falstaff: But alack, Young Graeme, Pistol too,
I was but WAK'd and cannot take the field with you.

Exit Falstaff and the Shakespearean prose.

Just like the attempt at iambic pentameter, eventually the Stags grew weary of UNSW's attack and began to take the initiative. Led by Upright Coops, who has a lovely drive and a run that looks like something from a Baywatch intro: lots of graceful movement but ridiculously slow motion.

Coops batted well, seeing off the brunt of the UNSW attack and deftly moving to 96 before a rash swing saw him fall four short of his maiden grade ton, and ensuring that he has to do his turn on the scorebook for at least one more game.

Rat and Dave Monaghan also contributed nicely with 30 and 24 respectively, and the Stags were finally all out with 6 overs to go for a very reasonable 234.

With just a few overs left in the day's play Gordon took the field and, more for intimidation than in the expectation of a wicket, brought Romeo Dietz under the lid at short leg.

Matt "Fester" Todd keeps it tight from one end

The first few balls brought a lot of banter and some nice plays and misses before a short one at the body brought a leg glance from the opposition captain. Unfortunately for him, the ball went much squarer then intended and Romeo pulled off the catch of the season so far with a diving effort to his right to prove that no matter how many cigarettes you have, there are always at least an over of reflexes left in you.

Day 2 progressed in much the same fashion as day 1 with Gordon completely on top. While a few of the UNSW batsman managed to occupy the crease, with one batsman even managing to bring the 80's back with a very accurate rendition of Ijaz Ahmad's axe like stance, none managed to look comfortable and with the score at 5-68 at tea on day 2 it was clear the game was in the bag.

The UNSW batsman finally showed some desperation and threw the willow for a few overs until the Rat was thrown the ball. 1.5 overs later he had 3 for 6 and the game was over ' proving yet again that some people just have all the luck when bowling to the tail.

From this author's perspective the bowling display was the best of the year by the Stags, with a mere 3 wides and 3 no-balls in 62 overs, however the fielding was a little disappointing and we know we will have to do a little better come the back end of the season.

Pick of the bowlers were Dave Monaghan who bowled a very tight 18 overs for 2-41, including 6 maidens and more missed drives than successful shots; Tom Gooch who bowled 15 overs, 3-34; Dave Leiboff 13 overs, 1-30; and Toddy whose 13 overs went for just 9 runs and included 7 maidens but only the one wicket.

Andrew "Elton" Coleman